Table of Contents
When I arrived at The Idler for the UK launch of Seeking Sexual Freedom, I expected an interesting evening. What I did not expect was to walk into a room that felt so intimate, joyful and quietly radical.
There was warmth everywhere. Women chatting softly over drinks. Laughter carried across the room. Copies of the book were stacked artfully on tables. Beautiful black gift bags waiting to be collected at the end of the evening, filled with delightfully cheeky sex-positive goodies that somehow managed to feel playful rather than provocative.
The whole evening had the energy of being let in on a conversation women have always had privately, but rarely out loud.
At the centre of it all was Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah.
The author of The Sex Lives of African Women has returned with a new book that feels just as important, but perhaps even more freeing. Seeking Sexual Freedom: African Rites, Rituals and Sankofa in the Bedroom is not simply a book about sex. It is a book about pleasure, memory, identity, intimacy and what it means to reconnect with yourself on your own terms.
Part of what made the launch so special was that it did not feel stiff or overly polished. It felt warm, stylish and human.
Guests arrived in beautiful outfits and gathered around stacks of books, as conversations flowed among old friends and complete strangers.
There was something wonderfully cinematic about the whole room.
The black goodie bags added a playful touch to the evening. Filled with games, conversation cards and beautifully chosen sex-positive products, they felt like an extension of the book itself – a reminder that intimacy can be explored with humour, curiosity and joy.
Inside were tasteful sex toys, lubricants and playful intimacy products designed to enhance pleasure and encourage conversation rather than embarrassment.
Brands included:
Kheper Games creates playful party games, couples’ games and cheeky novelty gifts designed to make intimacy and connection feel fun and light-hearted.
Creative Conceptions focuses on sexual wellness and confidence, selling everything from couples’ games and lubricants to vibrators, condoms and relationship-focused products.
The Natural Love Company combines intimacy with sustainability, offering body-safe, eco-conscious pleasure products, massage oils and accessories in discreet, plastic-free packaging.
Whose beautifully designed pieces brought an elegant, sophisticated feel to the evening.
What I loved most was that nothing about the goodie bags felt awkward or gratuitous. They were stylish, thoughtful and entirely in keeping with the spirit of the book: that pleasure, intimacy and self-discovery deserve to be treated with the same openness and care as any other part of our well-being.
Conversations about sex and chronic illness are often shrouded in seriousness and embarrassment, but Nana’s event turned that on its head! It fostered a welcoming environment for open dialogue, making pleasure feel accessible, empowering women, and ensuring everyone felt acknowledged and valued.
What a fantastic experience for all involved!
Looking around the room, it struck me how rare it is to be in a space where women, especially those with chronic illnesses like Lupus, are encouraged to talk about themselves and their desires without apology.
A huge thank you to Nana for taking the time to speak with us and for sharing her vision so openly and generously. She spoke with honesty, humour, and a kind of warmth that made even the most difficult conversations feel possible.
Exploring the Crucial Importance of Sexual Freedom
Understanding why the pursuit of sexual freedom is so significant can be a transformative journey.
It’s about embracing our true selves, breaking free from societal constraints, and exploring our desires without shame. In a world that often imposes rigid norms, seeking sexual liberation empowers us to experience intimacy, connect more deeply with ourselves and others, and celebrate our individuality. This quest for freedom isn’t merely about physical expression; it’s an essential part of our emotional and psychological well-being. So let’s delve into the depths of why this pursuit matters so profoundly—it’s time to unlock the full spectrum of our humanity.
Through stories, history, ritual and personal reflection, she asks a deceptively simple question: what would happen if women centred their own pleasure?
That question sits at the heart of this Seeking Sexual Freedom book review.
The book draws on African traditions, rituals, and the Sankofa concept of looking back to move forward. Rather than presenting sexuality as something modern, Western or taboo, Nana places it within a much richer history. She explores the aunties, elders, traditions, and stories that have long shaped how women think about sex and relationships.
One of the most striking ideas in the book is the role of the “sex aunties” – the women who quietly pass down wisdom, advice and caution in ways that are often affectionate, funny and layered. They may not always have the right language. Sometimes their advice is empowering, sometimes limiting. But they shape us.
Reading the book made me think about all the ways women learn about desire. Through whispers. Through warnings. Through friends. Through things left unsaid.
And perhaps most importantly, it made me think about how rarely women living with chronic illness like Lupus are included in conversations about desire and intimacy, highlighting a gap the book aims to fill.
The Conversation We Rarely Have About Lupus And Sex
Living with Lupus can affect every part of your life, including your sex life, and yet it is one of the least talked about parts of the condition.
Pain. Fatigue. Joint stiffness. Medication side effects. Anxiety. Body image changes. Feeling disconnected from your body after a flare. Worrying that you are too tired, too swollen, too changed, too complicated or too much.
These are realities many people with Lupus know all too well.
Yet when we talk about chronic illness, intimacy is often left out entirely. We talk about symptoms. We talk about appointments. We discuss medications and fatigue management. We do not often talk about what it feels like when your body no longer feels like your own.
That is why this Seeking Sexual Freedom book review felt unexpectedly emotional.
Because the stigma Nana writes about – the idea that women should be desirable but not desire too much, sexy but not sexual, confident but not complicated – becomes even heavier when you are living with a chronic illness.
When you have Lupus, it can be easy to feel as though illness has stolen something from you. Your confidence. Your spontaneity. Your relationship with your body.
There is also a particular stigma around disabled and chronically ill women and sexuality. Society often treats people with chronic illness as though they are somehow outside of desire entirely. You are expected to be resilient, inspirational, and brave. Rarely are you allowed to simply be sensual, flirtatious, curious or intimate.
But the truth is that desire does not disappear because you are ill.
You are still allowed to want pleasure. You are still allowed to want connection. You are still allowed to explore what intimacy looks like for you now, even if it looks different from what it did before.
Navigating Intimacy: The Impact of Lupus on Relationships
For many women living with Lupus, the journey of intimacy can become a bit more complex due to practical challenges. Fatigue can turn even the thought of being touched into a daunting task after a long day, and joint pain may make certain positions less comfortable. Moreover, some medications can impact libido, and physical changes like weight fluctuations, scarring, hair loss, or steroid-related swelling can shake our confidence in our bodies.
As someone who understands these experiences firsthand, I completely relate to those moments of looking in the mirror and feeling a little less familiar with your reflection. It’s easy to worry about how others might perceive us and to shy away from conversations about intimacy. You might find yourself thinking it’s not a priority right now when there’s so much on your plate.
However, “Seeking Sexual Freedom” offers a beautiful reminder that intimacy doesn’t fit into a single mould. It doesn’t always mean grand gestures or trying to return to who we once were. Sometimes, it’s about creating something new together.
Think of it as embracing a slower pace, enjoying a softer touch, and nurturing honest conversations. It’s all about having the confidence to express what feels good and to communicate your needs.
In this light, the review of “Seeking Sexual Freedom” serves as an uplifting reminder: reclaiming your body isn’t about returning to a past version of yourself; it’s about forming a vibrant, new relationship with the person you are today. Embrace this exciting journey ahead!
What Seeking Sexual Freedom Nails About Shame
One of the most powerful aspects of the book is Nana’s profound exploration of shame. Many women carry unrecognised burdens surrounding their sexuality—whether it’s the shame of desiring too much or too little, feeling inexperienced, needing support, or establishing boundaries. For women managing Lupus, these feelings can become even more intricate and nuanced.
You may find yourself grappling with feelings of shame when cancelling plans due to exhaustion or when realising you no longer have the same energy you once did. It can be uncomfortable to ask for reassurance or to confront the changes in your body, and there’s often a worry that sharing your honest experiences might alter how others see you.
However, attending the gathering at The Idler was a truly liberating experience. In that space, women spoke openly and freely—there was no embarrassment, only raw authenticity. Laughter resonated as stories were exchanged, and women held their copies of the book like a precious discovery, uncovering the words to express feelings they had kept hidden for too long.
This event underscored the truth that shame thrives in silence, which is why Nana’s book is so critical. It empowers us to speak up, share, and embrace our experiences with love and acceptance. Together, we can break the silence and cultivate a strong, supportive community!
Lessons Learned on My Journey to Embracing Sexual Freedom
One of the most powerful aspects of the book is Nana’s profound exploration of shame. Many women carry unrecognised burdens surrounding their sexuality—whether it’s the shame of desiring too much or too little, feeling inexperienced, needing support, or establishing boundaries. For women managing Lupus, these feelings can become even more intricate and nuanced.
You may find yourself grappling with feelings of shame when cancelling plans due to exhaustion or when realising you no longer have the same energy you once did. It can be uncomfortable to ask for reassurance or to confront the changes in your body, and there’s often a worry that sharing your honest experiences might alter how others see you.
However, attending the gathering at The Idler was a truly liberating experience. In that space, women spoke openly and freely—there was no embarrassment, only raw authenticity. Laughter resonated as stories were exchanged, and women held their copies of the book like a precious discovery, uncovering the words to express feelings they had kept hidden for too long.
This event underscored the truth that shame thrives in silence, which is why Nana’s book is so critical. It empowers us to speak up, share, and embrace our experiences with love and acceptance. Together, we can break the silence and cultivate a strong, supportive community!
Discover Where to Dive Deeper!
If this conversation resonated with you, you might enjoy Dating And Relationships With Lupus – a practical and reassuring guide to navigating dating while living with Lupus, from when to tell someone about your diagnosis to dealing with cancelled plans, fatigue and the vulnerability that comes with letting someone in.
If this post has made you curious to read more, you can purchase Seeking Sexual Freedom by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah here.
Trust me, this is one of those books you will underline, lend to friends, and keep coming back to whenever you need a reminder that pleasure, softness, and self-discovery belong to you, too.
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