Resilience Resentments Vs Black Women’s Mental Health
There have been pivotal moments in my life when strength was not merely an option; it was a necessity, and these experiences have shaped who I am today. For instance, when I received my lupus diagnosis, I chose to embrace it with courage and determination. Then came the unexpected news of my mother’s stage four cancer diagnosis—she was not just my mother, but my best friend, mentor, and the heart of our family. In that challenging time, I stepped in to support her wholeheartedly.
After her passing, less than two years later, I transformed into what I like to call “New Jeanie.” I took on the responsibilities of making arrangements, assisting family members, and handling the probate process, all while learning the importance of prioritising my own well-being amidst the whirlwind.
Through these experiences, I’ve discovered the incredible strength we hold within us and the beauty of supporting one another during life’s toughest trials. I remain grateful for the lessons learned, and I am hopeful for the future, as I continue to nurture my own needs while carrying the lessons of resilience and love in my heart.
What Does Resilience Resentment Really Mean?
For many, Resilience Resentment has been portrayed as the hero’s journey in overcoming stress in one fell swoop, bouncing back with incredible velocity due to unparalleled bootstrap-pulling abilities—all while completely ignoring the conditions that cause us to need resilience in the first place. When resilience is pitched in an old-school style—that it’s just a matter of sheer will or the lack of it that makes us adaptable and admirable humans—it’s no wonder we’ve become bitter.
Even in the face of exhaustion, mental fatigue, and extreme grief, there still remained a looming pressure to “show up” and “just keep going.”
Were my stepdad, brother, and nephews OK? OK, how is my grandmother coping? Is the solicitor doing what she is meant to be doing?
Resilience resentment, a term I’ve come to understand as the resistance to the pressures of perpetually overcoming hardship, is a concept that has deeply affected me. It’s often portrayed through tropes of ‘bouncing back’ and the admiration of strength, but the mental strain of this psychological concept has emotional ramifications that extend beyond the surface.
It’s Important to Say No to Resilience Resentment and Yes to Yourself:
Remember, embracing self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity for our mental health.
When we observe the grit and determination within a person’s journey, we can often overlook the grievances and weariness that they may experience behind closed doors.
I know I had people saying things like “Lee-Anne is a soldier” and how proud my mother would be at how I was taking care of things once she was gone.
Yes, I knew they were compliments intended to encourage me; however, I was simply doing those things because they needed to be done, not because I was a soldier. I just knew that if I didn’t do it, someone probably would.
I would have loved to have someone share the emotional burden with me, but I never asked, and no one offered.
For those with public personas that reflect their lifestyle, highlights, and achievements online, it may be challenging for outsiders to see their situations beyond what is presented in their carefully curated social profiles.
However, when we peel back the layers, we soon realise that this outward portrayal of resilience is a byproduct of skewed conditions within our environment.
Consider how we perceive Black women’s resilience as a collective; there should be space to explore whether our strength stems from a default in their survival or from the necessity to survive.
Acknowledging these complexities, we should create spaces of understanding and empathy, giving Black women the space to live a life where joy and resilience coexist without bearing the burden of having to be strong all the time.
Presenting as if we’re OK is a lot different from actually being OK.
However, to shed the mask of resilience, we need spaces where we can share our struggles without fear of judgment. These spaces, along with supportive systems, are crucial for us to confide in when we don’t feel strong enough to be strong on our own.
How To Combat Resentment?
Reframing resilience based on the science of what helps us thrive can better position us to cultivate it, offering a hopeful perspective on our ability to overcome challenges.
Essential Reframes To Consider:
Resilience is a process, not a trait.
The idea that some people are born with or without resilience is outdated. Research clearly indicates that resilience develops over time. Experiencing suffering can help us build empathy, adaptability, and resourcefulness, but this growth does not happen instantly. Our ability to learn from difficult experiences can be nurtured with intention, rather than believing we are victims of an unlucky gene pool or somehow missed the memo on how to stay calm and carry on.
Resilience is not just about bouncing back or ignoring painful emotions.
Pretending everything is fine when it’s not actually hinders our well-being, rather than supporting it. We are not like rubber balls; getting up after being knocked down without examining the lessons we’ve learned or taking care of ourselves can lead to negative consequences. Research shows that practices like mindfulness, which encourage us to accept and work through difficult emotions, can help us navigate these feelings more effectively than simply ignoring them.
Resilience is not just about bouncing back or ignoring painful emotions.
Life is challenging; relationships can be complicated, and work or school can be exhausting. Research has revealed that perfectionism has risen by 33 per cent over the past decade.
When we’ve been running on low energy for so long without time to recharge, it’s hard to have enough to give to ourselves, let alone to friends, family, and other obligations that demand our attention.
When we feel safe enough to let go of perfectionism and the need for constant excellence, we can allow our resilience the space it needs to thrive. This means being vulnerable, seeking help when necessary, and taking breaks when we feel overwhelmed.
Embrace the power of saying no to resilience resentment and yes to self-care! Prioritizing our well-being is essential for nurturing mental health and living our best lives. You deserve it!
Here are several posts that you may find helpful:
Have you ever found yourself caught in the tug of war between resilience and resentment? If so, how do you navigate those tricky emotions? I’d love to hear your thoughts on coping strategies!
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