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Words Carry Weight: Things Not To Say To Someone With Lupus
Navigating life with Lupus is a continuous balancing act that touches every aspect of my existence—physically, mentally, and emotionally. In my personal journey with Lupus, shared on Wot’s Her Name Again?, I’ve encountered various phrases that, despite good intentions, can be hurtful. Let me share some of these experiences with you.
I’ve discovered that words possess an unexpected gravity. Often, phrases that are spoken with good intentions can, to someone living with this condition, come across as dismissive or even deeply hurtful, carrying the potential to inflict emotional pain that lingers long after they’ve been uttered.
Things Not To Say To Someone With Lupus
I’m thrilled to present this guide highlighting the 10 phrases to avoid when speaking with someone who has Lupus! By choosing our words thoughtfully and embracing compassion, we can foster understanding and empathy. For instance, rather than saying, “You don’t look sick,” we can offer supportive alternatives… Let’s inspire kindness together!
You Don’t Look Sick
This statement captures a critical misunderstanding often faced by those living with Lupus. It’s essential to remember that Lupus is an invisible illness; many individuals may appear perfectly fine on the outside while battling profound pain and overwhelming fatigue beneath the surface. This phrase, ‘You Don’t Look Sick’, can be particularly hurtful as it invalidates the person’s experience and the reality of their illness. Understanding this experience is vital for fostering compassion and support.
It Could Be Worse
While this may be intended as a form of reassurance, it inadvertently undermines the profound challenges faced by those living with Lupus. Each journey through chronic illness is not only unique but deeply valid, deserving of empathy and understanding.
“At Least It’s Not Cancer”
Comparisons of this nature are ultimately unproductive. In my previous post regarding the challenges of navigating Lupus flares, I emphasised that the daily unpredictability of this condition merits compassion, not comparison. Embracing this understanding fosters a more profound sense of empathy and support for those affected.
You’re Just Being Lazy
I can’t explain how triggering this is for me, but it usually solicits quite extreme emotions from me, including crying, withdrawing within myself, or becoming defensive.
Fatigue stands as one of the most challenging symptoms of Lupus, overshadowing daily life. It is not a matter of laziness; rather, it embodies a genuine physical limitation that demands careful pacing and ample rest. Recognising this reality can foster understanding and compassion for those navigating this exhausting journey.
“You Should Try This Miracle Cure”
Unsolicited medical advice can often feel like an avalanche, especially for those of us navigating the complexities of Lupus. It’s important to remember that we are already under the care of specialists who truly understand our unique challenges. Managing this condition is anything but simple, and our journey deserves empathy and understanding. Let’s foster a supportive environment where we lift each other up instead.
“But You Were Fine Yesterday”
Lupus symptoms can shift dramatically overnight, making what feels true one day seem entirely different the next. This element of unpredictability lies at the core of why living with Lupus can feel profoundly isolating.
It’s All In Your Head
Phrases like ‘It’s all in your head’ can be deeply hurtful and dismissive. They trivialize the very real experiences of those living with chronic illness. It’s crucial to acknowledge and respect the struggles individuals face as they navigate the challenges of Lupus.
At Least You Don’t Look Disabled
Not all disabilities are visible. This powerful statement reminds us to acknowledge the silent battles individuals living with invisible conditions, such as Lupus, face. Their struggles may not be seen, but they are genuine and deeply felt. It’s important to remember this when interacting with someone living with Lupus.
Maybe You’re Just Stressed
Stress can indeed trigger flares of Lupus, but it is not the root cause of the disease. To suggest otherwise is to unfairly place blame on those who are bravely living with this condition. It’s essential to recognise the complexities of Lupus rather than attributing its challenges solely to the individual’s stress levels.
You’re Overreacting
Dismissing someone’s experience is among the most damaging things you can say to a person living with Lupus. Acknowledgement and empathy not only matter; they can truly make a world of difference.
When discussing Lupus, the language we use truly matters. Choosing our words carefully fosters an environment of support, empathy, and kindness. To delve deeper into my personal journey with Lupus, I invite you to read my full story here.
How To Support A Loved One With Lupus
If you would like to support someone with Lupus or a similar chronic condition you may find these posts helpful:
- How to Support Someone with Lupus?
- 9 Important Facts for Family & Friends Of Lupus Sufferers
- Muni Long’s Lupus Journey
What about you? Have you come across any of these phrases before, or are there additional ones you’d like to contribute to this list?
The person may not fully grasp how their words impact you. It might be beneficial to share this post with them to foster understanding and clarity about things not to say to someone with Lupus
I would be thrilled to hear your insights and experiences. Please share your thoughts in the comments below! Your experiences and insights can help us all learn and grow in our understanding and support of those living with Lupus.
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