Most people I meet in real life seem shocked that I am an introvert. It’s because introversion is mainly confused with being shy or socially awkward. I’m neither of those; I get drained and over-stimulated in social situations. This has been a source of some social anxiety for me because, on the one hand, I love connecting with people, but on the other hand, I want to sit and chill in my room alone all day. Another thing that most introverts can attest to is how much they detest small talk. I think I’m more anxious about personal interaction than public speaking, but this anxiety may be only peculiar to me. I’d rather stand in front of 20 people and give a speech than make small talk; thinking about this makes me less nervous than sitting face-to-face with someone new.
However, small talk is a struggle sometimes. I usually want to go about my day without speaking to anyone, but if someone bursts my little introvert bubble, I have to derive the mental strength to think of something to say. It sounds dramatic, but it often happens, especially after I have been in a social situation for more than a day. So without further ado, here’s my introvert’s guide to having a social life, from an introvert, me!
DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL TALK…
One thing about becoming more social is being confident and energized by small talk. It’s an essential nuance of life. It’s also not necessary, so it’s something that little emphasis should be placed on. When I don’t have the mental capacity to make small talk, I smile or laugh and nod.
IT’S OKAY TO BLEND IN….
It’s okay to blend in the background of a conversation, especially in a group setting. I understand the pressure of trying not to seem quiet when 10 + people are screaming over each other. Introverts often want to pretend like they are extroverted in a social setting. This makes you commit an act that can drain you mentally very quickly.
Observing other people can be so much fun (and eye-opening), especially since we are very introspective. I always appreciate the fellow introvert in the group who only speaks once or twice within 5 minutes and listens to everyone talk. I noticed things about people only because I had been talking the whole time.
LISTEN AND OBSERVE, OUR MOST POWERFUL QUALITY
Listening to other people and asking questions is our most powerful tool. I’m usually relieved when people tell a story to me because it takes off the pressure to say or think of something. I also enjoy stories because they draw you nearer to the person you speak to. This makes me feel closer to them and much more comfortable. People generally love to talk about themselves, making it easier to take the pressure off you!
IT’S OKAY TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE…
Strive to get out of your comfort zone. This differs for everyone, so I can’t give hard figures and advice. My comfort zone is sitting at home week in and week out, reading a book. Leaving my comfort zone means going out and meeting new people. Because of this, I started following the rule of saying yes to almost anything I was invited to.
It’s okay to be uncomfortable and anxious in social situations. Those nerves are irrational when I think about it. But they’re there regardless. What are you terrified of? Embarrassment? Will you choke up and have nothing to say? Awkward silence?
And when all of that happens. So what? But did you die? LOL. You’d find that it was a learning experience. My most awkward and draining experience as an introvert was when I went to a party where I knew no one. For the life of me, I could not mesh with this crowd. Trying to make conversation became tiring very quickly. I just picked myself up and went home calmly. That experience taught me that my interests only jive with some crowds, which is okay.
It’s okay to be uncomfortable, but if you consistently dread hanging out with people you meet often, it may be less of introversion and more of social anxiety. It can also mean you don’t like the people you hang around so much. I’m not a big lover of massive, crowded events and parties. This is something I do very rarely. I love travelling, eating out, and museums, so if someone consistently invites me to places I don’t want to hang out in, I’d know that our interests at a basic level are different.
FINAL THOUGHTS….
It’s okay to say no. You’re not the life of the party, and that’s okay. You’re the sit-in-corner kind of girl. They only have two friends kind of person. The only person in your friend group that legitimately looks forward to doing nothing on a Saturday night. I prefer to text than call. Just a round cute little, introverted potato.
This whole post is saying that you should embrace your introverted side. It’s what makes you unique! You don’t have to change your personality fundamentally; you must exit your comfort zone more often.
Thanks for reading!
How do you balance a social life as an introvert?
Please share in the comments below.
